I’m So Tired: An Exhausted Mom’s Plague Tale

Guys, I know I’m normally all about happy, stress-free posts. But, I’m not feeling it today. Today I’m feeling tired, and just emotionally raw.

Actually, tired doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m exhausted, disappointed, depressed and frustrated. I’m just seriously burnt out and in my feels. I need to vent. So unless you’re in the mood for reading a long ass rant, you may want to skip this post.

Alright, so now that those who want to read on are here, here’s what’s up. Sorry if it’s scatterbrained, but I’ve got a lot I need to say.

I’m Tired

I’m tired of not having any semblance of normalcy, tired of getting my fucking hopes up only to have them crushed, tired of the people whining about their freedoms. And most of all, I’m tired of my poor, sweet two-year-old not getting to experience a normal childhood.

It’s exhausting always having to be the bad guy. I constantly have to tell people, “I’m sorry, but we have to cancel,” “Not until he can get vaccinated,” “The covid rates are too high.” I’m hoping every single day that the covid vaccine will be approved for younger kids. (If you’re antivax, save it.) It’s so hard having to examine every single place we go with a microscope to assess whether or not it’s too high of a risk for our toddler. And right now, that risk is too high nearly everywhere. So right now, we aren’t seeing family, shopping at the grocery store, going to events, etc. In the end, it’s my son who is losing out most. Thank god for his music classes starting next month and his teacher, Brenna, working diligently to make sure we’re all safe, otherwise we’d be going nowhere at all.

He’s not getting to socialize with other kids up close though. He’s constantly stuck at home because parks, trails, zoos, etc. are all too crowded. And let’s face it, half the people aren’t wearing a mask at all, and those who are, are wearing it as a chin diaper. (IT GOES OVER YOUR NOSE. We’ve been doing this for 18 months now. Figure it out.)

Additionally, as much as I love being around my kiddo, it would be super cool to have a break every once in a while. Aside from a few hours here and there when things started to feel normal, I have spent the last 20 months at home with him. If you’ve ever had a toddler, you’d know how exhausting they are. There isn’t enough coffee in the world for how I’m feeling.

I’m Disappointed

I’m so tired of having to cancel things I’ve been looking forward to. I feel so let down and disappointed.

I had to cancel going to the farmer’s market with one of my best friends because of the crowds of people who would be undoubtedly unmasked. The other night I started crying because I miss going to the movies. It was kind of our “thing” and I haven’t been to a movie in a theater in about 2 years and drive ins are too late to take our young toddler to. I know it’s a stupid thing to be upset about, but there is so much that I miss.

The Biggest Letdown…

But the real kicker? The thing that inspired this post? What I am MOST disappointed about? This year I was invited by my tattoo artist, Jesse LaFarge at Old School Tattoo and Piercing in Bellingham, WA, to the Three Rivers Tattoo Convention in Kennewick. I was SO STOKED. We booked our hotel. I bought new outfits for my toddler and I. It was going to be literally the only fun thing we were going to do this summer as a family…

Until I discovered that Benton County, WA has the second highest covid rates in the entire state right now. As of yesterday, they were having the same number of covid cases as Snohomish County with 1/4 of the population size. As much as I wanted to go, as much as I wanted to enter my sleeve into contests, there’s no way. I can’t risk losing my baby for a tattoo. I’m hoping we’ll be able to go next year, but I have a hard time wanting to feel excitement anymore. I don’t want to be let down anymore when it doesn’t work out.

I’m Depressed

The yo-yo effect of this virus is sending me spiraling into depression to be honest. I have zero motivation to do anything. The joy I would normally get from cooking or reading or other hobbies just isn’t there. Everything feels like a chore. I just want to sit and disassociate. Just when things were getting better for about a month and it felt like things were starting to be normal again, here comes Delta to fuck things up.

I felt happier than I ever had in the past year and a half for that month where covid rates were low and I could see my family again. We were able to go do things again. We were able to have our son’s birthday party and FINALLY have a housewarming after a year. It felt like things were getting better and that the end was in sight. Not now. Those feelings were ripped from me and I’ve been filled with disappointment, anger, and honestly legitimate hatred for those who are keeping us stuck in this situation. And to be honest, I don’t think this will ever end, but all I can hope for is a vaccine for toddlers. My son doesn’t deserve this. None of us who have been doing our part deserve this.

I’m Frustrated

All of that leads me to this. I’m fucking frustrated. Every day I see morons advocating for unmasking kids at schools. Children who cannot be vaccinated and could potentially be immunocompromised. People advocating for no masks are literally advocating for death. And the antivax crowd is getting really old too. I’m sick of the misinformation and outright lies or refusal to comprehend science.

The Excuses…

I swear to god, if I see one more person try me with the “WeLl iF yOuR vAcCiNe AnD mAsKs WoRk So WeLl, ThEn WhAt’S tHe BiG dEaL iF i DoN’t Do It?” There is enough information out there. So, I’m sure you can put two and two together that masks contain YOUR germs to protect OTHER people and that children under 12 and those with medical risks can’t receive the vaccine yet. Or how about the “Well if you’re scared, you should stay home?” No. If you’re too scared of a tiny needle, YOU stay home. People who are doing their part and have been for 18 months deserve to be able to live their lives. If you’re not going to do your part, YOU stay home.

I’ve started unfriending people because I’m no longer putting up with this shit. I’m setting a boundary. If you want to be part of my or my son’s life, I require you to believe in and understand science. That means getting your vaccine AND wearing a mask. I’m immunocompromised. My son can’t be vaccinated. I’m not risking our lives for your comfort. If that makes you upset or you really want to see us, there’s a simple solution. If this section of my post rubs you the wrong way, awesome. Unfollow me, unfriend me, cut me out of your life, whatever you feel you have to do. I don’t give a damn.

I’m So Tired – In Conclusion

If you’re one of the people contributing to the skyrocketing covid rates by refusing to get the vaccine or at the VERY least wearing a mask, grow up. Realize the harm you’re causing people. I hope you see the damage you’re causing families. I wish you only cared how much stress you’re causing those around you. But you won’t. Self centered people don’t give a shit about anyone else.

I’m tired of having to stay strong and put in 300% of the work for people around me who aren’t even willing to put in 10%. It’s exhausting having to pick up everyone else’s slack. And I know life will never be “normal” again for a while, but if everyone would do their part, we could be there a lot faster. Just do the right fucking thing.

-Signed,

An exhausted, disappointed, depressed, frustrated mom who only wants her son to have a somewhat normal life.